if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
