Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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