Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
