Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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