God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
