hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
