It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
please come you make the beer taste better
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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