Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
