they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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