Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
