Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
