We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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