Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I intend to get homeless drunk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
