I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
