I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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