After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize