I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
