I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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