that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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