Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
