I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
