I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
