dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
