Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
