He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dogās dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a āwater bottleā. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
