he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
