How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Operation Purity has been aborted
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
