I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
