and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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