What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
