exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
