If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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