My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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