I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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