I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
