I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
