Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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