I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
