Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
