it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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