Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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