have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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