How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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