FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Someone signed my nipple.
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