Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
