So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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