I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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