Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just high enough for therapy.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
