i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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