No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
