So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
