i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
