we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
