i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
